sorry I haven't updated for a month... lots on the mind, lots of tumbling lol

Ugh, sooo... Kevin and I were friends for about two weeks.. Then he started being a dick. I went home the weekend of the 7th and had a bad day and night and texted him UNDER THE IMPRESSION WE WERE FRIENDS and was like "Am I allowed to ask you for a hug?" meaning I wasnt sure if i should, but he texted and hes like "Depends. Is it strictly a hug?" well fuck you, I dont even want one. but whatever he came and gave me one. So that began his asshole ways.. We hung out the next day with his friends and played cards and he barely looked at me and he just talked to me like I was a fucking idiot. We ended up watching a movie then when it was over I'm like "So.. are we watching another or is that it?" he says, "I dont know." then sits down and turns on the regular tv... So I sit there for a little and then he eventually just grabs his computer and sits down and goes online while I'm sitting there. (His friends fell asleep at this point, so it was just him and I hanging out).. So I take this as my cue to leave and I say "I guess I'll go home then." "Okay. See ya." He didn't even look away from his computer to say goodbye. Fuck him. ugh.

So then I messaged him on facebook the next day and I'm like "So Idk if you just had a bad time or if you were coming off mean because you didnt wanna get too close again, but I was just wondering what was up?" He saw the message, never replied.. Then about a week later he makes a status that says "I'm an asshole, get the fuck over it." Okay, who else is this going to be directed to? BSkldf

We didnt talk since that saturday, but after we broke up he said I was still invited to his friends wedding, so I had to message him and ask him about the times. NOW You'd think any fucking NORMAL person would tell someone that they "werent" going to a wedding anymore or that they werent invited, right? Yeah, nope. I messaged him and was like "Hey, do you have the times for the 5th?"

Him: I'm not going anymore. sorry
Me: Were you planning on telling me? Or was I supposed to assume I wasn't either?
Him: idk.
Me: Alright, cool. Well thanks for letting me know.
Then I got the guts and said:

I'm sick of feeling like shit because of you. Don't tell me you want to be my friend then treat me like I'm worth nothing. I tried to be your friend, I didnt do ANYTHING to you to make you treat me so terribly. I need to delete you from here and myyearbook for a little while. I'm sick of seeing you online and knowing you want nothing to do with me and it's not helping me cope with anything. I got over the fact we couldnt be a couple awhile ago, but it really sucks to know you don't even think I'm worth a friendship. Hopefully one day you'll decide we can be friends and you'll want to re-add me. If that day comes I'll gladly accept the request but until then I'm just going to say see you later. I hope your life turns around and if you ever need someone to talk to you know my name and number, I'll be happy to help.

Thank you for being a good person while we were together, you really taught me a lot about myself and made me happy. I'm sorry I couldn't do the same for you.

Have a nice night.

-------

I probably shouldnt have been nice about it, but I'm trying to be the bigger person here and I think by offer my assistance it proves I'm a good person.

So, I ended up deleting him and I mostly feel good about it.. A part of me still wishes he wanted me in his life.. But obviously I'm better off.

HERES AN UPDATE NOW lol
I'll do most of my tumblr stuff, then save some so I can update tomorrow or some other time this weekend, too.

lol my friend made this for me.

ended on page 31. (note to self lol)

Saving money is everything when you're going to college.

If I had to pick my ideal apartment from Vacancy.com the following would be my ideal:
http://www.vacancy.com/wisconsin/milwaukee-apartments/webster-terrace-ii#property_description.

Not only is this apartment close to my college campus, but it comes with everything I think, as a college student, is important. Tell me an apartment has free heat and all I'd say is, "That's nice," but tell me an apartment has free heat, cable and internet? "Hit me up! When can I move in?" I'd not only be having a party in my head, but I'd be throwing a party with all of my friends!
I know some of you might be thinking, "Milwaukee? Isn't that a bad city?" My response is absolutely not. The section of the neighborhood this apartment is in is beautiful and safe and I'd love to keep living there. If you still have mother-like "I just want my baby to be safe" thoughts, just read the description in that link! There is parking that is secure and covered so it's even more safe to be living here.
It may seem pricey, but if I found myself a roommate, we'd be able to split the price! A
If I lived in this apartment, I'd probably never want to leave. I'd go to class and come home right away because I'd love living there so much!

Sunday I was sad. Monday I was happy the first half of the day and then I got depressed again after working out. Tuesday I literally felt nothing all day, but then that night,Kevin and I started talking like normal people. We talked that night and last night for 2-3 hours.. about real stuff, not about our breakup or how we're going to manage. I feel so good. I'm not overanalyzing and thinking we're getting back together, I'm actually realizing that we're going to be really good friends and I'm going to be okay. I really love this feeling.

and now since i wont mind so much posting pictures about love, I shall update lol

I never had a favorite princess movie before and I've decided this is it :)

I think this makes sense because cats always know when you're sad
and dogs are just like.. wtf?

look at his feet :)

ps. thanks for you guys' comments about everything thats happening. I like knowing im not just talking to myself. you guys are honestly appreciated <3

we had sex. it wasnt as special as i thought.
this whole past week was terrible.. we didnt talk a lot.. and today we broke up.

 he said he thinks we rushed everything from the day we met and he just psyched himself out and pretended everything was fine but nothing was fine at all. he said he loved me too fast and he couldnt handle the distance. it was eating him up the most. hes got all this other shit happening too.. so he let me go.

i feel terible. i loved him. i don't think he even tried. i can't stop thinking about WHAT IF he has some epiphany and realizes hes wants me back and realizes he'll be able to do better. but i know its not going to happen.

i just want to go home and hug him and kiss him one last time.. but by the time I go home it's going to be too late. I didn't know that Sunday in the car would be the last time.

I just want to sleep forever.